Cause for Concern Number One
Given the Matron's hysteria over Merrick's
complete and utter lack of interest in all things
Letter and Word, she dropped a few hysterical hints to Grandma Mary about
Headsprout, a nifty online learn-to-read-tool. Of course, Grandma Mary -- being all things educational herself as a teacher for lo those many years -- immediately purchased said online program for Merrick, despite the fact that small villages in Africa could be sustained for the cost of Merrick's six-month edification.
Now, the Matron didn't give it much thought when Grandma Mary signed up Merrick using her own email and password as sign-in for the reluctant student.
Reluctant?
It took Merrick about ten seconds to smell the whiff of parental (okay make that maternal) desperation emitting from the internet.
Matron: "Merrick, don't you want to play that new fun game with the aliens?"
Merrick: "THE ONE THAT YOU'WE TWICKING ME INTO WEADING WITH!"
Matron: "You can play while you eat Halloween candy and both dogs can sit in your lap!"
Merrick: "What do you mean, PLAY? THIS IS WEADING."
And so on. . . . that child definitely has to board the bribing bandwagon!
This isn't even the cause for concern. Oh no. Turns out that Grandma Mary, who paid the handsome fee, is getting these regular updates from Headsrout.
"Dear Mary: We see that it's been six days since Merrick last logged in! We hope he comes back to prance with Alien Bob soon."
"Dear Mary: We're concerned that Merrick hasn't visited Headsprout in 10 days!"
"Dear Mary: We hope that Merrick finished level one in the 10 minutes he was logged in. The more time your child spends . . ."
You get the picture.
The best part? Grandma Mary emails each of these updates to the Matron, with no comment. Just the emails indicating that her dollar? Not well spent.
Matron: "Merrick OMIGOD. YOu can't watch TV until you do Headsprout. Grandma Mary is watching!"
Merrick: "Now she knows that I don't like weading even on the 'puter."
Cause for Concern Number Two
The Matron took a good long look at Scarlett's schedule and realized that between this child's
current and upcoming shows --
Fezziwig's Feast,
Sister Kenny's Children and the Miracle Worker reprised,
here -- she just has NINE days without a show or rehearsal until April!
Scarlett: "MOM! What am I going to DO on April 1st!? Have you found any auditions for me! I am INCREDIBLY worried about April 1st! Are you checking the playlist HOURLY?! I don't want to miss my chance! Can you find any auditions for Broadway too -- I bet it is HUMANLY POSSIBLE to get onto Broadway at 11!"
Stage mothers. So pushy!
Cause for Concern Number Three

In case you didn't know, people actually eat these. People with tongues and taste buds.