Thursday, May 1, 2008

Stage Mother: The Callback!

The Matron was a bit disappointed that the callback was so, well, uneventful.

She was also surprised, considering that several days ago, this message appeared on the answering machine. Conjure upbeat female voice:

"Hello! This is a message for Scarlett from the Children's Theater. Because winnowing down from 350 people was just so much fun, we decided to hold yet another open call in order to add a gazillion more children to the mix! That means Wednesday's callback will be the first of two! Instead of a 15 minute solo audition, you'll be doing singing, dancing and improvisation in a group. The final callback we save for the anointed and their runners-up."

Spool forward to Wednesday. Scarlett yawned the whole way there. "I'm so tired. How long will this take?"

Matron: "Aren't you a little bit excited?"

Scarlett (shrugs): "Not really."

Once there, each child received the same number they were given at their original audition. Scarlett pinned 226 to her chest. The Matron nearly fell over when 502 walked by.

The Matron, having learned some lessons, brought papers to grade and Riding Shotgun: Women Write about Their Mothers. This is a perfect book. She thinks you should read it!

And Scarlett yawned and languished and sighed and read her book as they waited in Rehearsal Room B. She nearly fell asleep, she was that noncholant.

At precisely 7 pm. someone came in and said: "Okay Group B! Step on up!"

Scarlett could barely stand, she was that weak in front of her mother. "Bye Mom," she moaned.

But in a magical moment, the Matron happened to catch a glimpse at her daughter -- who thought she was out of the maternal eye range -- and friends? The Matron now understands what the phrase 'gleam in her eye' really conveys. That child radiated and blew, energy just flying off of her. Those eyes blazed.

The Matron is not quite sure why Scarlett must establish portrait of stoic disinterest in front of her mother (and father). She suspects that her daughter wants to make clear: this is mine, not yours. So they will not share in the experience, in anyway, whatsoever.

And this Stage Mother thinks that is a very fine idea!

During the audition, the Matron kept her head low. She thought grading papers would make her far more unapproachable than reading so she spread out the whole darn mess and worked.

She did follow, however, the activities of another Stage Mother who had caught her eye earlier because she looked like her child's personal trainer. First, the woman wore a polyester workout suit with the top neatly tucked in. This suit was pink. Pop, pop, pop pink! With little white flowers around the edges. For some reason, this bothered the Matron who believes that pink flowered sweat suits in women over fifty are, well, frightening and possibly illegal. Contributing to the look was behavior: she carried her daughter's gear (the child was not a teen, easily 16) and handed her the water bottle whenever those lips required moistening.

The amazing thing was the daughter drank and handed the bottle back for her mother to hold, poised at her side for the next sip.

Maybe the Matron was doing it all wrong! Because earlier when she noticed all these water bottles and gear (what were these people carrying in the big bags?!), she asked Scarlett: "Do you need a drink of water?"

"I'm fine."

During the audition, Pink compared notes with several other mothers. They discussed upcoming auditions, directors, company politics and fine arts training. There were several groups and couplings, actually, parents who knew one another from previous shows. The Matron listened from time to time, but all they talked about was their children.

Yawn. There's a war going on, folks! A black man and a woman are duking it out to be President! Husbands to complain about! Jobs to discuss, local politics, and don't forget Al Franken!! Say it isn't so, Al. The Matron just can't help but be annoyed at you for owing $70,000 in back taxes from 17 states while you're running for Senate. She thinks that's just sloppy. Now even she doesn't want to vote for you! If your mistake means six more years of Norm, she will personally come after you!

And she has a secret weapon.

Friends, online and off?

The Matron now understands two things. First, the Stage Mother material is so rich, so textured, so fundamentally screwy and askew (and she means the psycho-dynamics, the people, the hours, the competition - every last little bit) that this could make a very fine book? The next YA novel?

Second, she now knows she possesses an amazing secret weapon. A tool so powerful that it can only be deployed with gratitude, respect and care-- your beautiful, unstoppable, indomitable good energy!

Because today this message appeared on the answering machine. Use the same voice you did for the first one: "Hello! This is the Children's Theater calling for Scarlett! Scarlett, we would like to see you at the final callback for Madeline and the Gypsies. The callback is one hour, 7-8 pm, this Sunday, May 4! Congratulations."

That zip and pop in the child's eye? The Matron can't help but think it was you. Thank you for that good energy!! She also believes that collective power planted that book idea. She's doubly indebted.

One more time? Sunday, 7-8. Aim that ray.

The greedy writer that lives inside the Matron? She thanks you!

18 comments:

JessTrev said...

Rock on, Stage Mama. Sunday 7-8, laser beam ready and poised. Pink flowered poly sweat suits are really not ok for anyone, imho, but I am learning to embrace the feminine inside of me (thanks, child).

Anonymous said...

Yes, rock on! flaming beam pointed and ready to fire.

Woo!

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I pretty opposed to any combination of sweatsuit and makeup. If you have time for makeup, you have time for real clothes.

Will send positive vibes.

Anonymous said...

Sunday night is a "date". Good energy coming your way.

Anonymous said...

Where do I pre-order a copy :)

Anonymous said...

Ugh...I totally forgot to ask Scarlett how it went. I was so focused on Stryker tonight. It BLOWS MY MIND that he doesn't really quite understand how brilliant he is. *Sigh* I just adore them both so much. I'll be having my lawyer draw up those adoption papers soon.

Manager Mom said...

Ugh - I remember those LOOOONGG days of auditioning when I was a child. I had no idea how draining it was for my poor old mother.

Yet another way where I see the principle of "Payback's a Bitch" coming to haunt me some day...

Bonnie said...

Can't wait to read MM's new book!
The pink track suit, make-up and fawning servitude - very Stephen King-ish! Eeek!
I wonder what the home life is like?...

My YaYa just went through the whole rehearsal
and performance thing for the Houston Ballet Spring Showcase. Interestingly, they did not allow mothers anywhere near rehearsals. Perhaps they have learned a few things over the years!

Good Vibes to Miss Scarlett on Sunday - I'm whole-heartedly in.

Anonymous said...

You go, Matron! Write that book!!! I cannot wrap my poor brain around the stage mother. They are closely related to the pageant mother, aren't they? Yikes!

She She said...

Go, Scarlett! Or not. You know. Whatever.

Matron, I think that's a fabulous idea for a book. I'm laughing already.

JCK said...

Yeah to Scarlett's effervescence and Matron's greedy writering. Or some such! Go, GO on Sunday!

Jennifer S said...

I'm synchronizing my watch right now! You can start that book during the callback...and sign me up for an advance copy.

Sending good thoughts...

Karen Jensen said...

I know Scarlett really doesn't care about the call back or anything--I mean--whatever. But I'm thrilled for her and I'm not going to wait until Sunday to send my good vibes to Minnesota.

Great idea for a book, too.

And I'm going to my library website to see if they have Riding Shotgun.

Karen Jensen said...

Oh, and by the way, I am so disappointed in Al Franken!

Jocelyn said...

Like Scarlett, your writing puts that gleam in your eye--gives you that thing just for you.

Oh, yea. I'd read that book. And I yuv your girl.

dkuroiwa said...

When I grow up, I want to be like Scarlet....or her mom...whichevah!!
Break a leg, Scarlet!!
Get that book going MM...your "posse" awaits, ready to read!!

Anonymous said...

My kids did the "no big deal," too. I wondered if part of that was because they think if they do NOT show much enthusiasm and do NOT get the part or win the game or get the boyfriend, it will be easier to shrug it off. Oh, that...I really didn't care in the first place.

Angie said...

Laughed my ass off on this one. Congrats to Scarlett! She is awesome, as are you. Thanks for the laugh.