Monday, December 17, 2012

And . . . the Return

Last week, the Matron intended to return to this blog.  

Hmmmmm . . . . sort of like "did you do your homework?"   The answer wouldn't be no, but 'not yet.'

The  Matron has been in a year-long, deeply interior place.    She sees a light at the end of that tunnel, but, friends, it's a flicker.  And it's not the bright, comedic, light of youth.

On November 26th, the Matron turned 50.    When she first started this blog, she was a solid mid-forties, and the Matron Moniker?   A joke.    

It is no longer:  50. 

The Matron is not a greeting card sort of person, so those "you're halfway through" elbow-nudges fall on deaf ears.    The life expectancy for a woman in the United States, born in 1962, is 73 to 80 years old.  

Folks -- that's 23 to 30 years.   

As any hard-working human (especially us mothers) knows, one day is an eternity of task and emotion:  we fall into bed with long to-do lists and impressions of the relationships and people the day left behind.     On some level, the Matron feels like those potential 20 some years are a gift!!   Each day a universe, an eternity.

On another -- she barely remembers yesterday.  Do you?  

Will the next 20 pass this way?

Friends -- she does not mean to be depressing you.   But rather than not write, the Matron has decided to plunge full speed ahead into honesty and reflection.    Yes, there will be humor. . . . remember, she has two teenagers and a 9 year old.  Sitcom material.    

Children don't keep this Mama young -- just awake.

Update coming on details -- a young man picking colleges, an actor recovering from an injury, the 9 year old slogging guns and dogs-- but for now, the Matron signals a return.  She has time (more on this too) and renewal. 

And very, very, painfully aware that time and renewal are temporary gifts, entertained at this minute.  No more.

10 comments:

*m* said...

Oh, hurray. I've missed your posts!

Eric Smith said...

"I pen my lines, I finish, I scan them,
I'm not the poet who began them.
Each moment Time, the lord of changers,
Stuffs our skins with ephemeral strangers.
Good heavens, how remote from me
The billion people I used to be!"

Ogden Nash, from 'Time Marches On'

Minnesota Matron said...

Eric -- Oh, I love that. Thank you: "the billion people I used to be." Lovely.

Suburban Correspondent said...

I never expected to read something profound by Ogden Nash. Learn something new every day, I guess...

I'm just where you are, Matron. 50 is a sobering milestone, indeed. Things seem very finite right now.

Marilyn said...

So glad you're back. I've missed you. I've been thinking a lot about how short life is lately. It started when both my parents became very ill, and was given a giant shove by the events of last Friday.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Hmmm . . . you, me, Suburban Correspondent . . . a book of essays on this milestone perhaps?

I look forward to your reflections.

Common Household Mom said...

"Children don't keep this Mama young -- just awake."

Oy, yes. How true.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Happy half-century!

Minnesota Matron said...

Thanks, friends! It's good to be back : -). And I feel like returning, finally!

Xtreme English said...

Wow. I remember when I turned 50...I stayed up all night (one of my favorite things to do when I was younger) and sat out on the back porch to watch the stars and then the sunrise. Now my oldest daughter just turned 50. That's one hell of an accomplishment! Way to go!! (And keep going!!)